i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
