I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
