in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im holly from the hills drunk
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
