i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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