I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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