thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
