How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
