We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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