The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
