got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
