Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
