Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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