Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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