never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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