census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My vagina is very pro this idea
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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