Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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