it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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