the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
