There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
