i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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