I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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