How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
