Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my being single is dangerous.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
