Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
