ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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