I didn't shave. On purpose
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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