but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
