last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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