I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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