Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize