On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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