this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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