She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
