I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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