Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
