his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
