walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
why is half of my head shaved?
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