So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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