So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
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fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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