Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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