Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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