I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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