so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
