I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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