Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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