he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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