My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
