You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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