you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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