she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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