make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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