Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize