If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
