she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize