true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
