Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
