I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
