I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
