I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
