Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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